It is always better to agree child arrangements for the summer with your former partner or spouse directly (unless there are safeguarding concerns or it is impossible to have direct communication with the other parent), since your children will feel more comfortable knowing that the arrangements have been agreed rather than imposed by an anonymous third person, such as a judge. B P Collins’ family team offers key advice on how to reach an agreement.
Keep the children’s best interests at the forefront of your conversations. It may be challenging to engage with your former spouse or partner, but your separation affects your children’s lives and (save for any safeguarding concerns) they will thrive having a close, loving relationship with both parents and seeing you both regularly.
You may find it helpful to meet in a neutral space to discuss arrangements – or if that isn’t possible use email, WhatsApp, or an app like ‘Our Family Wizard’ that facilitates communication and monitors language used by both parties. It is important to keep your language impartial and open. Make suggestions, not demands. You could also consider suggesting that a mutual friend is also present as it can often be helpful to have an independent perspective.
Think carefully about the day-to-day arrangements and handovers including timing and cost of travel, your plans for telephone or video calls and schedules for trips abroad. Remember that you are likely to need your former spouse/partner’s consent to take your children out of England and Wales and, if that is not possible, permission from the court.
Allow for some flexibility in arrangements. You may need to accommodate both of your work schedules and annual leave and that of any other relevant person – such as a new partner or child minder.
Think about creating a calendar or parenting plan showing your agreed arrangements and explain it in an age appropriate way to your children. Do listen to their views and allow them to express their feelings. However, remember that the decisions should be yours and not your children’s.
Show your children that you can work together. Take a positive and enthusiastic interest in the activities the children do with their other parent as this puts the children first.
If you need to change arrangements, let the other parent know with as much notice as possible. Unless there is an emergency or unforeseen circumstances, you should not change arrangements frequently or separately as this can cause distrust and is likely to be confusing to your children.
Contact B P Collins’ family team to explore your options at enquiries@bpcollins.co.uk or call 01753 889995.
