Agreeing arrangements for children over the Christmas period with a former partner is tricky at the best of times, but especially so if you are dealing with someone who is difficult or narcissistic. Where possible, it’s best to try and reach an agreement directly with the other parent, but if you’re struggling, agreements can be reached with solicitor support or through mediation. B P Collins’ family team offers practical advice on how to try to reach an agreement so you can spend your money on presents rather than legal fees for the court to decide your arrangements.
Key tips from B P Collins:
- Discuss the details as far in advance as you can – it’s never too early.
- When thinking about what arrangements would work best for your children, it’s important to consider their age and the suitable length of time for them to be separated from either parent; the annual leave entitlement of both parents; any family/religious traditions important to the children and when they can spend time with extended family members.
- The court will almost always split Christmas school holidays equally between parents where there are no safeguarding concerns. If your former partner is receiving legal advice, they will be aware of this.
- There is no set format to the pattern of time children spend with parents over Christmas. Some parents block it together, others alternate frequently throughout the holiday. Some even split Christmas Day itself.
- If your ex is particularly difficult, it’s best to minimise the number of handovers and block time together as much as possible – so long as your children can cope with that. Also, reaching an agreement now that can be replicated year after year, will help to mitigate the need for discussion and argument in future years. For example, splitting the core Christmas week is common, so that children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with one parent, but then New Years’ Eve and New Years Day with the other parent. This can then be alternated every year.
- If communication with your ex is tricky, consider using a parenting app like ‘OurFamilyWizard’ which is designed to mitigate the need for parental communication and keeps an accurate log of everything that is discussed. If you discuss arrangements in person or over the phone, make sure to follow up with a written plan so everyone is clear about what has been agreed.
- Think about how the children will contact the other parent, particularly on Christmas Day and if possible, agree a specific time for any phone or video calls. Pick a time when the children will be willing to sit down and pay attention. Subject to safeguarding concerns, the children and the parent on the call should be afforded privacy.
- If you want to take your children abroad over Christmas, you are likely to need the other parent’s consent. If they won’t agree, you should seek independent legal advice as soon as possible as you may need permission from the court.
- Where there are safeguarding concerns or a history of domestic abuse, seek legal advice about what arrangements would be appropriate and endorsed by the court. Do not feel pressured to agree arrangements that you feel are not safe for your children.
Contact Laura Mortimer or B P Collins’ family team to explore your options as soon as possible at enquiries@bpcollins.co.uk or call 01753 889995.
